The world was ending.
It has since stopped, or slowed down. Maybe even reversed slightly. But the point is, is that it was. It is that fact that keeps me awake at night.
And while it was better, the mere thought of it makes me feel worse. Sometimes it doesn't feel better because I am too distracted by the hurt.
I feel like I'm reaching and grabbing and getting nothing.
Sometimes I feel so filled, so happy, so hopeful and expectant. I try to focus on those moments and dwell upon those feelings.
Its becoming very hard not to punish myself. I'm nearing my one year anniversary and how pointless would it be if I messed up now?
The answer is very pointless, and dissapointing.
I would really like to just cry and scream and make anyone (particularly though, you) understand. I'm so sure if I could actually articulate myself to you a lot would change.
You told me that this song reminded you of me. Awww. I listen to it on repeat for that very fact. I replay every sweet moment to try to convince myself that its okay and we're okay and everything is okay.
If it sounds really obsessive, thats because it is.
I am so preoccupied.
And I know I'm driving you crazy, I'm driving me crazy too. I wish I could just stop my thoughts. Thats where the problem lies, I get one idea in my head and I obsess.
I want to say so much, but I'm not sure you want to hear it. I'm not sure I want to know your responses and I know that I don't want you to say "I don't know" to every question I ask.
But basically, this is it,
Everyday I wish for you.