Sunday was our anniversary. 3 years. It feels more like 30. We were one of those couples that as soon as we got together, it was as if we had been together for years and years. An instantaneous past.
I had an interesting moment today. I was sitting in Humanities, taking notes and I noticed these marks on my thigh. I was wearing my favorite pair of jeans with the heart shaped hole on the right thigh. All these white lines on my leg. I touched them and felt the un-evenness. It was kind of sad.
I haven't cut myself since April. Its been really hard. I've wanted to. So bad. And sitting there, taking fucking notes, looking down and bam. I will always be a cutter. The scars will always tell a story.
The whole thing really upset me. What was the point of stopping? All I am is a walking scar.
You make me feel lonely, by the way. Like I'm missing something. And that you have what I need, but I won't allow myself to take it from you.
Such a Masochist.
Yea. Seeing you is a bad thing. You should really just...leave. You make me pull my hair and beat my head. I'm tired of doing things I know I'll live to regret. If I keep one I have to quit the other. Thats all there is to it.
I'm a little unhappy tonight.