I would like to convince myself that I have let go. I know that isn't true because despite it all, there are still notes, I am still waiting and following. Other things still as well, but I shouldn't mention that.
I know that I am not as attached as you are. Thats very terrifying, actually. I'm not sure I should matter that much, to you of all people.
I slip off into a state of awake unconsciousness frequently. I think of you and I lose a sense of reality. All there is is "what ifs" and memories, moments long since (or maybe a few hours) passed.
You tug at my heart.
I feel overwhelmed. Like I haven't said a word in years. I feel quiet, purposely. Like I'm screaming into a pillow, suffocating on it.
I have odd dreams. Marriage, high school, suicide, pregnancy and so on. This girl is unsure of what she wants.
I'm sick of driving 45 minutes to Rock Valley everyday. I'm tired of the old men, and the smokers and lack of parking spots. The only good part about the trek is I get to rock out the entire time. Music is a good thing.
I have never felt more obligated to you. I am bound to this burning cross. I cannot escape this. I will not make a decision for myself. Any questions asked, my response always is "Idontknow" even if I do, I wouldn't ever say a thing.
There is so much anxiety and tension surrounding this. All of this is bullshit. I cannot say a word.
Why do you even care? I'm just a girl, just a body, T&A only I'm sure. Go find yourself another. And please please please, quit looking at me. Nothing is here.
You're pursuing me vigorously, all I can do is lay back and "allow" it. Or at least not react to anything. I'm not even sure what I want anymore.
This is no longer worth it. Although I am not sure what "This" is.