I've been avoiding this. The honesty, the lies, sins, confessions, hands, kisses this is all very very, not good.
However. I did confess. The confession was laced with lies. If I just said it, I'm not sure I'd be sitting here now.
I got hit. Actually slapped. But in his defense, I really did ask for it.
I won't be getting over any of this anytime soon. I want to crawl out of my skin. I want to throw up every ounce of guilt and whateverthehellelse I have inside me that makes me feel like this.
I gaged my ears tonight. Hence...Owww!! Yea. I don't even know how big they are. A distinct hole though. Little neon pink cyllinders. I want to put safety pins through them. Yay. Hardcore!! I'm not sure what posessed me. I'm just addicted to pain.
And yes. It hurt.
What is it with me and older men?
At least I'm legal now.
This is all very fucked up. Very odd. I'd like to go back to therapy. I don't have time. I'd like to start cutting myself again. But in my favorite spot there is now a star. I need to do something. I feel like I'm spinning.
This needs to stop.