So. Again, finally. A first, that was expected, dreaded, but expected. I feel like I'm being turned inside out.
These are not good feelings.
How badly I just want to force myself.
I need to do what I want, for once. This is what I want, this is what I want.
Fucking hell. I want to have a fit. I'm feeling violent, like if I let myself go...I'm going to cry all night and do bad things and destroy and...
This is not good.
I didn't feel (that) bad until I saw you and spoke to you.
Dammit.
I'm dissolving. I feel embarassed, childish, foolish, presumptious. Lustful, slutty, wreckless, heartless, thoughtless. Dirty, stupid, young, naive, desperate.
Fuck you.
And to tell the truth, given the opportunity I would do it again. Although I am going to try not to put myself out on the line (again), if it comes up (ohplease), I'll take it for all its worth.
I'm sure this is a sin.