I have been purging excessively lately. I have developed a great skill. I do it with precision, and ease. I'm done quickly and silently.
I'm waiting for results and as of yet I see none. There are pictures of me, back when I had discipline and I could actually be a proper anorexic. Last year's prom, I was so thin and didn't even realize it. There's a picture of me in my first hour class from prom, You can see all the bones in my chest and back.
I MISS THAT.
By all means I realize that I am not "fat" or "over weight" however I have become increasingly voluptous and developed.
The only difference I can see from my rewnewed ED is my eyes. They look sunken in again, I look tired.
I only wish I had the strength and will to starve again. Matt is the number one reason I became comfortable with my body, and lately that comfort has decreased. Even though he's constantly telling me how beautiful and thin I am, there are triggers everywhere. And I don't feel like I can control it anymore. These issues always get the best of me.