Today was not a happy day. Feelings were sad even when they should have been happy. I can't really explain why.
I visited Krissi and the kids yesterday, that was very...temporarily nice. When I left it was horrible..they asked if I'd be back and I wanted to cry.
I was with Krissi for like 4 hours and I still caught some ghetto ass music love from her. I got a CD from her before I left. Dr. Dre and Snoop...its funny. I feel very white.
My aunt called me tonight, normally I'd be happy about this but she really upset me. She told me that her step-grandaughter is cutting herself and she wanted to call me to get some advice since I have expertise in this area. I wanted to bitch slap her.
I need to get laid. (To quote ER)
I had quite a bit of homework tonight, I think I've decided I'm not going to do it. Its all things that can be done tomorrow in other classes. Nothing pressing.
I get stuff from Hollins every motherfreaking day, I swear to God if I do not get in I might have to blow the school up for teasing me like this.
No word on therapy or cutters club yet. Not from the 'rents or from mr. greene. perhaps I'm a lost cause.
I haven't cut myself in at least a month. Tonight I'm feeling like...thats been too long, and I'm not even quite sure why I'm not doing it anymore. Have I officially stopped? Am I still a cutter by definition? The hidden razor blades in my room would answer yes to that. I can't bear to throw them away. I need them just in case I think.
I'll end it here. Deciding whether or not to bleed.