Oh, love.
Out of the many things I have learned as of late. One of the more important things is that you are indispensable. That's right. I cannot do without you. It has taken me sometime to arrive at this place. And while the vulnerability makes me mildly uncomfortable, I realize that it is necessary. And eventually, soon, I will grow used to this openness.
I know you are growing tired of hearing about all of this. And even though you may disagree, I think I am doing well. Very well, in fact. There is so much that I am denying myself. Everyday is a fight against self-destruction, and guess what?
I'm winning.
Never again will I doubt a persons ability to change. I am living proof that it is possible.
My new theory is, that you have to have a pure reason to change. You are my reason to be better.
All of these feelings are quite overwhelming, and while some are good, very good. Some are...exact opposites.
Sometimes I think and I think such bad thoughts, and I can't stop them. I think and I see such horrible things and I start to feel sick. I start to cry and it burns me up inside.
Please. Don't think I'm crazy.
I'm not sure how to deal with things. I haven't had to do this before. And prior to this my solution to my problems came in the form of a razor blade.
I don't want to do that again.
So all I can do instead is talk to you about, to pray to God to heal my heart, to beg for things to be okay.
I've been waiting to ask this, but I really want to know. What have you learned from all of this?